I have always believed the saying, "Good Things Come to Those Who Wait" but that doesn't mean it's easy waiting. As I typed at the beginning of this week, I had joined a new Christian online dating website, with new optimism, as I had only done the free sign up and I was already getting attention. I spent a bit of energy and excitement getting to know one guy earlier in the week, who, by mid-week lost interest in me, I guess is how you'd put it. Wednesday night was a let-down in that regard, but everything happens for a reason, right?
If it weren't for Wednesday night not working out, I wouldn't have been home last night. As my friend called to check in on me on her way out of town, I said I will be fine. As much as I hoped he'd be someone to hang out with, I knew he wasn't the one for me. She said she could sense that from talking to me during the week, but still felt bad. I understand, as it was a beautiful Friday night, sitting out on my deck eating dinner alone. Well, I wasn't really alone, I had a robin, blue bird and cardinal nearby...or yes and a beautiful yellow swallowtail butterfly keeping me entertained. The trees have now filled in enough that it really does feel more private out there now. Even though I'm in town, I have a yard filled with mature trees. In the fall in beautiful and tiresome for all the raking, but right now I am grateful for their shade and privacy. I finished my dinner and sat in the lounge chair I don't think I even used once last summer. I then began reading my book and enjoyed the light breeze through the humidity. It was a little while later that my friend called to check in on me, as I had sent her an email on the sour note the conversations with the guy from last weekend had ended. I explained that in the big picture, it would be okay and was for the best. I was okay.
A little while later, the sun was setting and I headed inside to search again on the Christian dating site...I received a few more "smiles" as they call them and checked in to see who had sent them as well as who had viewed my profile recently. It was then that something in a profile caught my eye...I'm not sure what exactly it was in the summary but he was online then, as the little "IM me" button was flashing, so I clicked it. From then until three something in the morning we typed and typed...IM'd online and then on our cell phones...until finally I said, I have to get some sleep! In the morning, I got up and looked at the pics on his Facebook page again, as we had became Facebook Friends during the course of the evening, and then texted him "Good Morning" to kick off the morning...that was about eight hours ago and we haven't stopped contact for more than an hour since. We have so much in common, which is so fun and nice when you can relate. He is all of five months older than me, has also been through a divorce and actually enjoys reading books! :) He has some of the same authors I have. He has a daughter just a couple years older than my own, who he is a full time dad too during the school year and then she spends her summers with her mom...which as my sister pointed out earlier today, will make for a fun summer for me/us then.
I forgot which comment I was repeated to my sister that she jumped in with the "brownie points" response, but I said he had already earned brownie points for something else. He apologized for having to take his daughter to his niece's birthday party this evening, as he wouldn't be able to talk for an hour or so...which is just fine, as it's giving me a chance to share my happiness on here. We are meeting in person tomorrow for the first time. The only downfall, if you would call it, is that he live about 3 hours away...so we are meeting halfway in the early afternoon. He did comment on how his best friend is dating someone in Madison right now, which right by me, so he could carpool with him to visit me. When I questioned last night about whether he thought a relationship could work from this distance, he made some comment regarding you never know. He's right, I guess you just have to take a chance. With all of the forms of technology these days...between learning about each other through our Facebook pages, IMing, texting and talking on the phone for hours now, we have covered quite a bit of the important stuff and can already get a good sense of his values/beliefs. To hear a man tell me he attends church pretty much every week...and when I questioned, well what would happen if you missed a week...his response was, well I could, but then that next week just hasn't started off in the right way, it's like you are missing out on something. I completely got where he was coming from.
Hmm....maybe good things do come to those who wait...at least a first date finally will. On the river too.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Sunday, May 29, 2011
The first week, if I make it until then. ;)
Meeting people is just one concern. Once you've met someone, then what? What do you build? Nothing, a simple friendship, or more? How do you set smart limits on physical involvement? Financial involvement? Individual responsibilities? -Boundaries in Dating, Henry Cloud
Good questions. You meet someone. Now how much do you invest? How much time and/or energy do you allow yourself to spend thinking about the possibilities? How do you just go with it?
It begins. You start get a couple emails/texts and you begin IMing. It's all safe, fun and exciting, nothing to worry about, no expectations, just excited to have someone interested in chatting with you. The next step...the phone. This is your next baby step in getting to know each other. As other friends of mine know, that can actually make a difference. It's amazing what you can tell from another person's voice. Not just what they are saying but how they are saying it, how deep or high, if you find it annoying or enjoyable to listen too. It sounds silly, but yes this does matter. Then as you are talking, you may find yourself worrying about what you are saying, or more than likely, after you hang up. When you email or text someone, you can hopefully have time to think before you type, although I have been as guilty as anyone of typing as thoughts were coming to me instead of processing them first. Yes, I did it even today. I suppose I am human.
Eventually that first conversation has to end. Tired, exhausted, if you stayed up too late chatting like I had, you enter into a new day. What just happened? You find yourself questioning. In twenty four hours I went from not having a male interested in me, today I have a possible date coming up. Am I ready for this? Will I miss this up, or rather how will I this time? In and out of your day these thoughts seem to pop up. What is he thinking about me, about all of this...these float through your mind too. I haven't even seen him in person yet, we haven't really met yet, why should I be thinking about it so much...
It's the possibility of something that is both exciting and if you allow it, makes you a bit vulnerable or anxious. Looking back over that next day of texts, exchanging Facebook addresses, etc, he says, "No regrets and don't worry..." If only he knew me I thought.
It's been three more days of talking, texting and IMing. He is getting a glimpse of me and I have him. He is extremely open and honest. Which is good, but he's also discovering I'm anxious and worrisome, not all the time, as he's pointed out...I go in spurts. I commented, maybe we'll balance out then. But inside, I wonder how long he'll put up with me. "Why do you worry about such things?" he asked me earlier. That is a good question. Why do I? I told him I think it happens sub-consciously to some effect. "It's all good, just relax about things that's all..." he said later. I completely agree. I need to relax about things. I don't want to scare him away when we are still in the first week of getting to know each other. Why do I do that? Again, I am not wanting too, not trying too..."Try not to overwhelm me and don't worry so much about things."
That sums me up, entering a new relationship, or a potential one, or whatever you would call it at this point.
My attitude was/is that I am not going to put any pressure on anything. That if it turns into something, great and if not, just enjoy it while it last. I even entered the second or third day was it, wondering why I even am considering entering into anything with anyone again. Why would I be setting myself up to be hurt? But that is just it, I'm not "setting myself up" if I don't force myself to plan out the rest of our lives. I don't have to and really shouldn't even be worrying if we would make a good couple, how we would turn out six, months a year or so down the road...why not cross that bridge if we get to it and just make it through the first week.
A couple times while we were chatting and he was talking about what I felt like, was stereotypical men and women behavior, I pointed out or reminded him that we are wired differently and we both agreed that is just a part of the equation. It's true that you really have to find the right balance when you are starting off in a relationship and there is really no formula for that. There is no right answer as to when you should text or how often. When you should email or instant message, or when you should be doing other things, giving each other space. How much is too much and how little is not enough. Add into this that you are excited and want to talk to and learn more about that other person, yet don't want to come across as over-zealous. Who me?! ;) Okay, yes sister, if you are reading that would be a description of me to a tee.
I have found, as excited as I am to learn more about a new person in my life, part of me is more nervous about what will come of it, not worried this time whether or not we'll end up together as husband and wife, honestly I can't see that far ahead in my life with anyone at this point. I am just trying to make sure I am looking at the relationship or potential one from every angle. I guess, trying to figure out how I messed up in the past and make sure I don't do it this time. But when I find myself doing thing, I try and snap myself out of it, as in the past, it truly was timing or truly was not meant to work out. You can't know that going into something new. You just have to enjoy the time you can text, email, message, talk or see each other and live in the present. Taking one day at a time. If you can both stand each other the next day, well, then that's probably a good sign.
I don't know what tomorrow, Wednesday night or next weekend will bring, but I have to continue to remind myself, I was doing pretty darn well before he appeared in my life and will continue to do so whether he calls, texts, or whether we spend time together or not. It would be a bonus if I could find someone new, him or otherwise to enjoy life with, but if not, I will be okay too.
Good questions. You meet someone. Now how much do you invest? How much time and/or energy do you allow yourself to spend thinking about the possibilities? How do you just go with it?
It begins. You start get a couple emails/texts and you begin IMing. It's all safe, fun and exciting, nothing to worry about, no expectations, just excited to have someone interested in chatting with you. The next step...the phone. This is your next baby step in getting to know each other. As other friends of mine know, that can actually make a difference. It's amazing what you can tell from another person's voice. Not just what they are saying but how they are saying it, how deep or high, if you find it annoying or enjoyable to listen too. It sounds silly, but yes this does matter. Then as you are talking, you may find yourself worrying about what you are saying, or more than likely, after you hang up. When you email or text someone, you can hopefully have time to think before you type, although I have been as guilty as anyone of typing as thoughts were coming to me instead of processing them first. Yes, I did it even today. I suppose I am human.
Eventually that first conversation has to end. Tired, exhausted, if you stayed up too late chatting like I had, you enter into a new day. What just happened? You find yourself questioning. In twenty four hours I went from not having a male interested in me, today I have a possible date coming up. Am I ready for this? Will I miss this up, or rather how will I this time? In and out of your day these thoughts seem to pop up. What is he thinking about me, about all of this...these float through your mind too. I haven't even seen him in person yet, we haven't really met yet, why should I be thinking about it so much...
It's the possibility of something that is both exciting and if you allow it, makes you a bit vulnerable or anxious. Looking back over that next day of texts, exchanging Facebook addresses, etc, he says, "No regrets and don't worry..." If only he knew me I thought.
It's been three more days of talking, texting and IMing. He is getting a glimpse of me and I have him. He is extremely open and honest. Which is good, but he's also discovering I'm anxious and worrisome, not all the time, as he's pointed out...I go in spurts. I commented, maybe we'll balance out then. But inside, I wonder how long he'll put up with me. "Why do you worry about such things?" he asked me earlier. That is a good question. Why do I? I told him I think it happens sub-consciously to some effect. "It's all good, just relax about things that's all..." he said later. I completely agree. I need to relax about things. I don't want to scare him away when we are still in the first week of getting to know each other. Why do I do that? Again, I am not wanting too, not trying too..."Try not to overwhelm me and don't worry so much about things."
That sums me up, entering a new relationship, or a potential one, or whatever you would call it at this point.
My attitude was/is that I am not going to put any pressure on anything. That if it turns into something, great and if not, just enjoy it while it last. I even entered the second or third day was it, wondering why I even am considering entering into anything with anyone again. Why would I be setting myself up to be hurt? But that is just it, I'm not "setting myself up" if I don't force myself to plan out the rest of our lives. I don't have to and really shouldn't even be worrying if we would make a good couple, how we would turn out six, months a year or so down the road...why not cross that bridge if we get to it and just make it through the first week.
A couple times while we were chatting and he was talking about what I felt like, was stereotypical men and women behavior, I pointed out or reminded him that we are wired differently and we both agreed that is just a part of the equation. It's true that you really have to find the right balance when you are starting off in a relationship and there is really no formula for that. There is no right answer as to when you should text or how often. When you should email or instant message, or when you should be doing other things, giving each other space. How much is too much and how little is not enough. Add into this that you are excited and want to talk to and learn more about that other person, yet don't want to come across as over-zealous. Who me?! ;) Okay, yes sister, if you are reading that would be a description of me to a tee.
I have found, as excited as I am to learn more about a new person in my life, part of me is more nervous about what will come of it, not worried this time whether or not we'll end up together as husband and wife, honestly I can't see that far ahead in my life with anyone at this point. I am just trying to make sure I am looking at the relationship or potential one from every angle. I guess, trying to figure out how I messed up in the past and make sure I don't do it this time. But when I find myself doing thing, I try and snap myself out of it, as in the past, it truly was timing or truly was not meant to work out. You can't know that going into something new. You just have to enjoy the time you can text, email, message, talk or see each other and live in the present. Taking one day at a time. If you can both stand each other the next day, well, then that's probably a good sign.
I don't know what tomorrow, Wednesday night or next weekend will bring, but I have to continue to remind myself, I was doing pretty darn well before he appeared in my life and will continue to do so whether he calls, texts, or whether we spend time together or not. It would be a bonus if I could find someone new, him or otherwise to enjoy life with, but if not, I will be okay too.
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