Since my last entry, the trees that fell across my front lawn and on part of my house are now all cleaned up and hauled away. I am blessed I didn't have to do any of the work for that...I guess that is why I pay my house insurance payment every month. Fortunately, the damage on the house was quite minimal, which is extremely had to believe if you saw what it looked like here after the storm ended. We were definitely blessed.
The Sunday of that weekend, once the burden of the trees were lifted, literally, my former mother-in-law drops off the kids after their supervised with visit with their dad with the following comments. She begins by a couple comments about the trees, then explains that she was told to let me know the children will no longer have health insurance when the month ends. Okay, I respond, knowing this was a possibility, and begin saying I'll look into Badgercare or something, as I don't have an option to insure the children through my job. She states quickly, well he will have insurance for them in a month, he starts his new job tomorrow, they just don't begin coverage until he's been there a month. OH, he has a new job then, I respond in surprise. Continuing on proudly, well yes, he had four offers, one with just too much travel, but this one should be a good fit...quite a bit less pay than before, but it will be in an office from 9-5, which should keep him out of trouble. Was that her attempt to say he was having issues while working primarily out of his home in his former job? Regardless, she explains that since I won't cover their insurance (which is his responsibility in the MSA), I'd better contact our GAL to figure out what will happen. She also claims she had a good talk with the GAL the week before and thinks she'll be done supervising soon/that he won't need supervision/that things should be able to 'go back to normal' soon.
SO...time goes on and I am reminded by my lawyer to stop by and check in with the local police to make sure they are aware that he is now driving his 4-Runner that does not have an inter-lock device that is court ordered, etc. When I do this last week, not only are they unaware of this, the officer also gave me the correct spelling of my ex-husbands roommate who does indeed have a criminal record on-line for public viewing. Sure enough, he's been arrested for possession of drugs/selling drugs and served 10 days jail time for that, also was since arrested for drug paraphernalia in his vehicle and multiple driving violations. I make sure to pass this along to the GAL, but I know their report is due any day and didn't know if it was too late.
Sunday night comes, still no letter in my mailbox from the FCCS (Family Court Counseling Service) with the new placement plan, but my mother-in-law returns with the children this Sunday evening, explaining that she will not be supervising the next visit this coming week, as her son/my ex was violating one of the rules tonight. She told me she thought he seemed a little bit "too happy" and discovered he was 'sneaking Vodka' in his drink. She explained that the kids probably heard them fighting, as she told him she had to report this and he became quite upset that "she had turned to the dark-side too" that she was going to narc on him and ruin him...etc. I reminded her, that she is protecting her grandchildren is what she is doing. When I told my lawyer of this Monday morning, he told me to immediately let the GAL know, worried she'd change her mind and not share the news. He also told me he had the copy of the report now and made plans for me to come in today to review it and take the next step of action. He did tell me one part, which he explained he had never heard in all the years of practicing law, something so horrific. Today I read it too... But first, I did receive an email back from the GAL yesterday stating he'd be taking action on the recent findings in the next 24 hours and that my his mom did indeed call him.
I made it in today to the lawyers office this morning and sat down to read the 12 page document. First, on a positive note, as my lawyer also pointed out, there is nothing but positive comments about me being a loving, caring and wonderful mother, so at least I felt better about that. What is scary is discovering in writing what awful shape my ex-husband was/is in.
It did state my concerns in the fall and my call into Child Protective Services in August, but the reported the allegations were unsubstantiated and the case was closed. Then late in August he received his second OWI, which I did not find out about in later that fall. In September, I had received texts that he was in bad shape, in the hospital and later texted there was no problem/that he was not an alcoholic, but then lter in September the local police were called on a suicidal report and found him to be OK and no action was taken. In the beginning of October a medical record shows that he was in the ER for alcohol and opioid withdrawal. Here is the scary part...
Following his 2nd OWI, (my ex) was given 45-day jail sentence beginning on February 13, 2012. On February 8, per medical records, he went to the emergency department. He was intoxicated with BAC of 0.42, and complained of chest pain with racing heart and abdominal pain. He had reported a history of alcohol, heroin, and cocaine abuse, (the latest inhalation heroin use four weeks prior and last cocaine use a week prior), stating he had been drinking daily for the past 9 months and drinks about 750 mL vodka in addition to taking several tablets of oxycodone that he is able to find "on the street". He reported to the medical providers that he throws up each morning and starts to get shaky until he starts drinking again. He was treated for withdrawal symptoms and hypoklemia, and discharged on February 12. He started his jail sentence the very next day.
Okay, if that's not scary....my kids were in his, dare I say 'care' most of those 9 months!
On an additional page, he also reported issues with his thyroid, blood pressure, potassium, anxiety and depression that require medical treatment or medication. He prescription medication list includes Lexapro, atenolol, gabapentin, levothyroxine, vitamins, potassium, Campral, Hydrodiuril, and Requip. He indicated he was going to see a doctor ot adjust some of his medication, as he felt his anxiety was not in good control. He reported he tends to drink alcohol to self-medicate, to treat his anxiety/panic attacks and depression, and he has decided not to do that any longer.
Really?
Another comment...(I) expressed concern about the negative things he says about her to the children. It is apparent he is extremely angry with (me), blames her for everything that has gone wrong in his life, and his anger is likely to spill over and come out as inappropriate and disrespectful comments. (I) reported the children whisper about things their dad has said about her. Even the children indicated they are aware of dad trying "to get them on his side to be mean to mom" while mom reportedly tells them to be nice to both.
He feels (I) am doing everything I can to limit his time with the children, hurt him and get more child support. He stated it seems (I) am vindictive, money-driven and absolutely hates him....it goes on..
His self-reported alcohol/drug use history hs several inconsistencies. For example, in 2008 he he said he had never used cocaine. In July 2012 he states he has used cocaine 2 to 3 times in the last 20 years. He reported he "dabbled in cocaine" a couple of years back, later state his lst use of cocaine was earlier in this summer. He has also been inconsistent when reporting his alochol use, generally minimizing his usage as compared to what his medical records indicate.
He staed he initially stated drinking due to ME and my problem, specifically my post-partum depression, and noted the drinking got worse during the divorce. He also reported his work culture, always encourage alcohol use and there was a lot of peer pressure to drink. In addition, he reports he has tendency to drink when his is bored and lonely, and uses alcohol to self-medicate when experiencing symptoms of anxiety and depression. He completed treatment in Newstart in 2008, although he stated he did not like the program and (claims) he remained sober for 15 months. He indicated he then caved under peer pressure and started drinking again after a friend pointed out that he could just be a social drinker.
He reported he head used heroin approximately two years go and has abused pain killers as antidepressants, noting he did not "high" from them but got rid of depression. When asked if he had ever bought during "from the street", he denied it, but then remember having bought pain medication, noting that his previous roommate was addicted to them. He indicated his worst period of drinking was round the time of his hospitalization in February 2012. However, the medical records show him reporting abusive alcohol use and withdraw symptoms to the medical providers in January, February, April and May of 2011. On October 13, 2011 he had a follow-up visit after an ER visit for alochol and opiod withdrawal, where he reported he was drinking 750 mL of liquor per day and has been using suboxone bought from the streets to help with withdrawal symptoms. He reported daily vomiting and nausea.
Eleven days later, on October 24, 2011, he again saw a doctor, reporting drinking every day and abusing Oxycontin ant 40 mg per day and suboxone bought off the streets. He recognized he needed inpatient treatment and told the provider he will pursue it after his vacation.
As described on an earlier page in the report, when he was hospitalized in Feburary 2012, his BAC was 0.42. He indicated his main issue for the hospitalization was hypokalemia, i.e., low potassium levels. During the course of the hospital stay, impatient treatment was stronlgy recommended for him and he was intreated in going to ####. However, it did not have an opening at the time and he expected to start his jail sentence for his 2nd OWI. He indicated the reason for his extensive drinking in the fall and winter of 2011/2012 was the impending jail sentence that made him extremely anxious. He indicated he was hopeful he could go to treatment instead of jail but the judge wouldn't allow it. He also stated during one of his interviews that no specific recommendations were made for treatment while he was at the hospital.
During his first interview in May 2012, he reported that he ws not drinking anymore and had stopped "even before he went to jail" and noted that drinking almost cost him his job. Based on the available information drinking could have cost him his life. He reported he had contacted a therapist (not going to state his name, but it is actually a former classmate of ours from grade school). He had scheduled an appointment with him in a couple of weeks. He expected to feel comfortable with him as they grew up across the street from each other. He indicated he was attending AA meetings and on a weekly basis.
In July, 2012, he reported he had lost his job effective July 3 and was hopeful to start a new one very soon. He indicated he had seen his counselor three times and found him very helpful and was still attending AA meetings. However, he also reported he had had relapses starting mid-June after he found out he was losing his job and had used cocaine earlier in the summer and later stated he was "kind of been slipping with the AA meetings".
OK...there is a bit more, but you get the jest of it. One more sad summary statement...
He describes (me) as a money-hungry, vindictive person, who wants him out of the children's lives completely. He denies he did anything wrong and indicates his "huge mistake" was getting the 2nd OWI. He does not believe (I) had any reason to be concerned about the children or their safety, stating that she is just going from neighbor to neighbor spying and digging up dirt on him. He does not seem to in any way associate his alcohol and drug dependency with my concerns, the current custody and placement dispute or other problems in his life, instead places the blame on (me). He, for example, stted he life his job based on a mutual agreement, indicating that losing his job had less to do with his alcohol/drug problem then with me taking him to court and stressing him out. His tendency to blame other and to be unaware or deny his role in contributing to and maintaining conflict was also noted by Dr. ### in his 2008 psychological evaluation report.
ALRIGHT...after all of this, what did they suggest as the children's new placement schedule you ask? Ready for this...
Every Wednesday night for three hours...every other weekend for 6 hours on Saturday and 6 hours on Sunday...not supervised, but with HIM required to arrange for a paid pop-in supervisor who would do random visits with no more than 1/2 hour notice to his home at least three times a month.
WHAT????
Also, he should be allowed to have overnight placement on his placement weekend from Saturday until Sunday if his mother is able to sty with him.
Excuse me?
Okay, so the lawyer and I drafted up a letter to the judge disagreeing with ANY unsupervised visits and no overnights.
Then...later this afternoon the response of him drinking vodka during his last placement arrived via email...
It disheartens me to write this letter, but I am writing to inform you that I am indefinitely suspending #### placement with (my children) per my interim authority. It is my hope this will not be a lengthy situation, but I will need to convene with (the Case Study worker) to discuss this matter further. SHE is presently out of the office and will not return until next week.
At the forefront of this decision is information provided to me indicating HE was drinking alcohol during last Sunday’s visit with the children. This is totally unacceptable and contrary to the terms of the stipulated temporary order. I am further stating that HIS MOM will no longer be an acceptable supervisor for periods of placement with HIM. I would like to consider the utilization of a paid, neutral supervisor for subsequent visits with the children and will be exploring those options with (THE CASE STUDY WORKER) when she returns.
WHEW....a sigh of relief and then my dad calls about coming over to trim/saw/cut the trees...
A bit both physically and emotionally exhausted tonight, but feeling a bit more relieved than earlier in the day. Not sure what will happen next, but sadly it doesn't sound like my ex is doing well or getting the help he needs.
I am blessed that the GAL came though and is keeping them safe for now, but once again I just don't understand the decisions the court/report makes claiming it's in the best interest of the children.
I'll keep breathing in and out and look forward to a day out of town with the kids tomorrow.
Thanks for reading, support and prayers.
Me
