As I sat across the desk from my new lawyer, watching him read through my summary of events since this past summer, his facial reactions, body language and comments of "Wow!", "What?"..."Oh Wow". Upon finishing it he took off his glasses, rubbed his eyes and searched for words. He commented how sorry he felt for those kids, my kids. From there he began drafted an affidavit, going thought details, asking clarifying questions. As his secretary was busy typing up a final copy for me to sign, he explained his rules/guidelines, etc as my lawyer and asked if I had any questions. I then finally asked, "So realistically, do I have a case then?"
His response..."Do you HAVE A CASE?!" with wide eyes looking forward, then leaning back on his chair chuckling, "Do you think I would have spent the time with you if you didn't? Do you have a case? YES, not only do you have a case, I only could wish that my clients would come in with notes, details, facts, all the information and proof you have here. Yes, you most certainly have a case."
I asked him again to explain what happens next and again made sure that legal I dont' have to answer any more of my ex-husband's calls from jail. NO! Do not talk to him, you most certainly do not and should not. He explained the next steps of filing paperwork and getting an emergency full placement order and what will happen from there.
I left, not knowing where to go or what to do now. Two hours of going through all of that with yet another new person in my life was a bit, overwhelming, yet hopefully this time will be making a positive difference for my children. My worry hit as I was still in the office, as I turned back to him and his secretary, thanking them again and then saying, "I guess I am a bit concerned about when he is served the papers in jail. Right now he seems to think I am, in his mind, 'On his side' and when he read this...I am a bit worried what will happened." The lawyer reminded me I can call him anytime and obviously the police, as they are already aware of the situation. It just was a whirlwind of emotions as I drove to a local coffee shop/cafe for lunch and to journal or just try and process everything before heading home/back to my life.
It was beyond obvious to him that my children should not be around their father as he currently is. I agree. I still wrestle deep down with some feeling of quilt for not having them talk to their father. But as I type this I am reminded the response from this lawyer, that he is not sane/stable in a right mind that is healthy for the children to talk to him. He is right. Last time he called from jail, the only call I took, as I didn't know what to do when the recorded voice asked me if I would accept the free call from him...he spoke to my children, letting them know he had ordered the newest PSP Vita or Vista gaming device for them to play with/look forward to when he returned from jail. He also spoke with my daughter, making sure she had received her birthday gift, the American Girl doll she had wanted. After speaking with both children he kept talking to me. This is what really rattled me emotionally. At least his voice sounded better than it had in the hospital, but what he was saying....I had asked if he had spoke to his brother or sister, which no he hadn't and doesn't talk to either of them anymore. It sounds like his mother was the only person he had any outside contact with and so was telling me every detail of his life in jail, as if I was still his concerned wife. He explained how he has his own cell and how fortunate he was for that; that he had already made two 'friends', guys that didn't like him, that as he put it, were just jealous because he has the shortest sentencing of all of them. He said all nervously that he shouldn't be there. He continued telling me how the guards come through at 4 in the morning making all of this racket and you can't sleep and then at 5:15 they get you up for meds and chow and after that they take your blanket as they don't trust you with one after that, that they have to see all of your bright orange jumpsuit. He said he hadn't been to 'the hole' yet, but if you shuffle your feet when you walk, look at a guard wrong, you'll get sent there and hopes he doesn't...he kept going, explaining that he wasn't in the Huber work release section of the jail, but doesn't think he is going to go there as it cost more per day, plus he'd have to put his buddy up in a hotel room so he could drive him to and from work each day. Then, he continued by explaining that his work thinks he's in the alcohol treatment/rehab place in Oconomowau anyway, that he is off work due to a medical leave to get help/treatment. Finally the conversation, or rather his rambling ended and we were off the phone.
After the children were in bed that night his conversation kept replaying in my mind. Why had he went on and on about everything to me. I think, honestly he was lonely, I was there. But as it upset me, got to me, as he probably knew it would, I told a co-worker who promptly pointed out to me that is exactly what he wants. That I have no obligation to talk to him or listen to him. Next time he calls, do not talk to him, if he tries to talk to you tell him that you are no longer his wife, to call one of his roommates that you are not going to listen to him. She was right. Also, the lawyer was in agreement that it is not in the best interest of my children or myself to speak to him right now.
When my son had got off the phone, he questioned, confused again about when he was going to see Dad again and where he was. My daughter responded right away before I had a chance to, quite calm and confident that he was not in the hospital anymore, that he was in the other place for awhile, on his time out. That he was okay, but just has to be away for awhile. He stopped questioning for the time, but later that week had asked me when he could go back to Dad's house. I reminded him that Dad wasn't there and he said, "Then why can't we go play with my toys over there Mom?" I tried to explain to him that I can't go into Dad's house, to which he said he figured Dad's friends were still there and would let us in. To which, again I explained that it just doesn't work like that.
Tonight, beginning about 8 PM, when I was finishing up reading with my son, the phone rang with a call from the jail. I hung up the first time, the second, and on the third call I pressed the number it said to decline the call. Then a fourth call came in and I finally pressed the button the recording said I could press to block all calls from this number. After sighing a small sigh of relief, I went to say bedtime prayers with my daughter who was in her room reading. It was after this that I discovered three more calls on my cell phone and suddenly the home phone rang once again, this time it was my ex-husband's mother calling. It was very uncomfortable, as she had never called my house phone before and I was taken off-guard. She began saying she just spoke with my ex and he was very concerned that he was block, unable to talk to the children. I explained to her that the kids were in bed already and yes, I did block his calls as I didn't want the house phone waking up my son. I said that he was a bit confused after talking to him last time and I didnt' want him up and concerned tonight. She sounded very leery but continued on, saying that oh I suppose it is almost 9 o'clock already and then she continued with an update for him about how it is has been a drying out process from my ex and that he is on medical leave from work for now and told me when in March he will be out. I responded rather shortly to her that yes, he had shared all that with me when I had spoken to him and then we got off the phone. Feeling extremely uncomfortable, my daughter then appeared in the family room, questioning who I was on the phone with and why she had called. I explained that she called about Dad and she questioned with big eyes, he's okay right, still in the same place, nothing is wrong with him right? I responded that he was the same yes, not in the hospital. She sighed a big sigh of relief and then asked if she could have an extra snack and headed back to bed.
As she left to head back to bed, I sat back and tried to processes everything from today. I had done the right thing, I hope...as I know that when he receives the documents in court for me to have full placement of the children, it will not go over well. I tried to remind my self he went over two weeks with out talking or wanting to talk to the kids at all before he entered jail and I wasn't doing anything wrong not having them talk tonight.
Fortunately, after receiving a few messages from friends, I began to be reminded that I am strong, that I need to be strong for my children and need to protect them. As the lawyer said, in order to have time with the children he will need to meet certain criteria, which were quite basic things that you'd expect for any father having time with their children. I am not doing anything wrong by asking for full placement of the kids, but rather doing my best to keep them safe. I prayed this morning as I left, was blessed by an inspiring song on the radio that I needed to hear just before arriving at the new lawyer's office and was blessing by the comfort of friends tonight, reminding me I am doing the right thing.
