This afternoon I was seated with a new magazine entitled, flow Celebrating Creativity, Imperfection, and Life's Little Pleasures. That title pretty much sums up what I have been focusing on in my life. Going with the flow, living perfectly imperfect, making time to focus on my soul and how to create and be creative in my life; to live and smile regardless of circumstances.
Last Weekend, my goal was to post one last entry on my blog as I transition from my 30s to becoming 40. It hit me a bit harder than I thought it would...over-reflective on my past and current life. On my ride into work this morning, I smiled as I past a road that up until this past weekend, I never traveled on before. Now, a feeling of warmth, of love, filled me up inside, as I gazed out over the rolling green lush hills of the southern Wisconsin countryside.
Tomorrow, I will have been dating my "Bo" as someone spoke of him this week, for five months. As a birthday gift, this past weekend, he took me away for a night to a charming bed and breakfast on 92 acres of Wisconsin Countryside. It was the best 24 hour gift I could have ever asked for, as it provided us time away from life, together. After watching deer, wild birds and the end of the morning clouds roll away, we finished our organic pumpkin muffins and set out to hike on the trails, the first taking us down to a beautiful creek. Exploring the mid-September beauty of wild flowers, fresh deer tracks, Monarch butterflies and a few falling leaves among the scattered acorn's, it was just what my soul needed. Fresh air, being out in nature and to be able to enjoy it all with someone I love.
As I dove past that road this morning, it hit me, what day it was that we went away...the 13th of September. I then realized it was the first year I wasn't dwelling on the date, as it was 7 years ago on September 13th that our divorce papers were filed. Each year since, I have spend time focusing on that day, remembering it all in my head and wondering how it all got to that point. I was proud of myself today, as I have finally come to a point in my life where I didn't spend the day dwelling in the past. I am actually living in the present. I am so glad, proud, amazed, that this day has finally come. I have actually found someone who loves me for me, all of my quick, flaws, challenges of my past...he sees them and still chooses to love all of me, all that my life entails. He has found a way to get me to open up about my feelings, my worries, my thoughts that I try so hard to keep hidden from others, and wants to help me work through them, together.
Last night, as I attended the first of the new fall Life Group Sessions through his church, the host was reading through a intro for the year, some thoughts for us to refocus on as we enter a new time together to go through thoughts on the new series being preached on...it was during this time that something stuck, as I call it. He mentioned how it was important to care for our soul. How important it is to find/make time focusing on our soul and the relationship we have with God. Those words, the idea of tending to our soul, has been exactly what I have been working on since the first month of Soul School came out as an on-line class through The Brave Girls Club this summer. Making an art journal, which I had not known that art journals existed, let alone how well it would apply to my life, as well as creating truth cards to keep tucked in places where we can daily be reminded to refocus on what matters amongst the chaos of life. It was the concept of a truth card, as small note to remind us that we are human, we are imperfect and that we keep going anyway, is what matters...truth cards are what I created for close friends along with decorative wine glasses stating to Smile Beautiful Soul, for some close friends as we celebrated 40 years of smiling.
I feel inspired again to create, to write, to plan and the next step will be to dream into the future. But for today, I am staying in the present. My goal at the start of 2014, was to focus on the present and as of today, a week shy of the first day of autumn, I can finally say I have met that goal. Troubles, challenges, they have not left my life...as I am continuing on my second month without a penny of child support...and my children have begun two hour supervised visits with their father. Bills are piling up again and money is crazy tight, but instead of stressing about what I can not control in the present moment, things I can not change on my own, I am finally, at this moment on a sunny Wednesday, able to finally feel joy, love and hope regardless of it all I am blessed, loved, human with human challenges, but gaining a new sens of confidence to face the days ahead. I have grown and learned so much these past seven years. Much more than I could have ever imagined or desired too. I am 40 now, raising two amazing children, encompassed by the love and support of amazing friends, with the love of a man who truly know how to care about another and learning each day, even more about caring for my own soul. I am in a good place, not without challenges debt, pain and suffering, but inspire of it all.
