It's another sunny Sunday afternoon, I am seated at my favorite table in front of the big picture window at Sjlond's again. I look out at the blue sky, barely a cloud in sight, as I don't even know where to begin. Life is never easy, or if it is, it doesn't stay that way for very long does it.
After dropping off my kids at their Dad's place on Friday evening, followed by finding out even more disheartening news from another former neighbor, I finally entered my quite house, dropped my purse on the kitchen counter leaned back against it and took a deep breath. I felt the weight of my stress as I leaned over about ready to start crying. Instead, I reached inside my purse and pulled out my phone, as I was already late in getting back to my new friend who was waiting for me to call. When I dialed his number, I was about ready to just tell him, I can't go out tonight, I need to just stay home and cry, but it didn't sound like the right thing to say, it wasn't him, I just felt to physically and emotionally exhausted. He answered the phone and after talking briefly, he said he be there soon. I changed clothes, trying to put on some fresh make-up, but looking into the mirror, I realized makeup couldn't cover up the stress that showed on my face.
The next thing I knew, I was putting on my necklace, peaking out the front window and saw him walking up my front sidewalk, with a beautiful bouquet of long-stem roses in his hand. I went to open the front door and was about to just melt. "I knew you were going to be having a rough day, with court and all this morning, so I stopped in and ordered you roses." I couldn't say a thing and didn't want to start crying so I just hugged him. They are just beautiful, I told him and did manage to smile. We headed to the kitchen to put them in fresh water as he explained about going in before work to pick them out. He said the women who led him back to the cooler asked him what kind of flowers would you like and he said, roses. She continued to ask him what color, asking him if he knew that different colored roses have different meanings. He then asked me if I knew this...I told him I had heard this but didn't know if I knew all of the meanings. So he said just give her some of each! Apparently she gave him quite the smile. As I was listening, I thought, I am sure glad I didn't call and cancel our plans/second date.
Since it was too late at this point to catch the early movie, we decided we'd go out for Friday night fish first. This was also a great idea, as I realized between all the business and stress of the day, I hadn't really had much to eat and could be part of my lack of energy. We then went to the late showing of Crazy, Stupid, Love...which was entertaining and a good idea, as it did get my mind off of my current life. Until, one of the later scenes in the movie, where the youngest daughter was sitting curled up on the doorstep crying as the family was fighting in the yard. It was at that moment that my mind took me to an image of my own daughter crying and my mind was back on my daughter and son, fearing for their safety over the weekend. How could I have dropped them off there for the weekend, knowing all I had learned over the past week? I didn't have a choice, I suppose, that's why. Child Services have been called, the local sheriff's know to have extra patrols watching the house for the weekend and I have also learned all of my former neighbors on my old court are so concerned and watching out for my children as well as they can. I have friends as well as my own prayers for their safety, so I guess the rest is in God's hands.
So I tried to enjoy the rest of the movie, but he could see my sadness as we were beginning to drive home. I commented on all the stars out and he said, yeah, now all we need are some fireworks! I burst out laughing instead of crying, as he was going on about how we could sit out under the stars and watch fireworks and that could help cheer me up...then saying he thought his Dad might still have some. His humor, company and caring was just what I needed to keep my mind busy over the rest of the weekend. He showed me a tour of where he worked on Saturday, we ran some errands and then enjoyed the first Packer pre-season game at his place with his two brothers. During half time of the game, they had an add for the new Packer Ice Cream, which he and I said sounded great right about now, so he looked at me and said, ok, I'll go get it! I said I was just kidding, but nope...he went, leaving the start of the second half of the game to get me ice cream. I did join him, and went to discover they didn't yet sell it at our local store...but he had me pick out any other kind I'd like. He is a sweet guy. The first to ever show up with roses at my front doorstep...on a day I truly needed it most.
How does the saying go? Ignorance is bliss? I can sure testify to that. It is very challenging to be a mother who hears how awful things are becoming for her kids while they are in their father's custody, yet have no control over it. A little over a week ago, I went into our local police station, concerned about the harassing texts I was still receiving from my ex-husband, wondering if they were enough to go back to get another restraining order against him, as my first one ended last summer. I also wanted to share my concerns about the children being left alone and the well, rough-looking guys who have been either at or staying over at my ex's place when my kids are there.
Little did I know how bad things had really become over there. It was then I discovered my old house was already under the watch of police for other reasons. Apparently those men I was a bit concerned about have quite the police history. I also learned they already have received complaints from others that my children were spending too long/too much time at the local bars in their town. After listening for about an hour, it was time I had to go pick up my kids with a sick feeling in my stomach.
As I drove up to my old house, my first site was my ex, holding up a video camera, pointed at me, along with some type of recording device he appeared to be talking into. Next, my son came out and my daughter came running out behind, crying, no balling and hugging her doll tightly. I hand a difficult time understanding her as she sobbed, saying that Daddy said you called the police and they are coming to hurt him, to take him to jail and that we are never going to see him again...we are never going to get to see Daddy, or our house or our toys, ever, every again Mommmy!!!!! I tried to get her to first buckle up safely to I could begin driving away and then continued explaining to her that I had not calling the police on Daddy and that even if I had, they don't just take people away and they don't hurt them. I continued, telling her they will only take someone to jail if they broke a law, a rule again, that he is going to be okay.
We were back in town and going down Main Street, when she was starting to catch her breath, just as a sheriff went racing by with his sirens on and lights flashing...that did her in. He's going to get him Mommy!!!! It was then I turned off the main road to the police station and pulled in a parking space and turned around to talk to her and my son. I asked them if we could please go inside and have an officer explain that they are not going to get Daddy, that they don't just arrest people for no reason and that it's going to be okay. She screamed even louder at this, as her father has them both quite afraid of police, as in his eyes, they are the enemy. So we pulled out and I called my friend to see if we could stop over. My daughter said she would calm down if we stopped over at her friends house for a little while and honestly, I wanted her mom, my friend, to see the state she was in. Just as we got about a block and a half away, a police officer was putting his siren on to pull us over. The tears began again from the back and I now was getting a bit shaky myself. He came over and asked if everything was okay, as he saw us parked in front of the station and had left...as I explained what happened and the loud crying was being heard from the back, he asked if we could please follow him back to the station as he needed me to give a statement.
At this point my heart started racing, wondering why had my ex called the police? As we pulled back into the parking lot and got out of the vehicle, the women officer Allie knew from visits from school was already outside and walking towards us. Allie ran to her with her doll and they went inside to talk. The male officer was outside the station with a male and female sheriff. My son had asked if he could bring in his DS that he was using trying ignore all that was happening in the minivan and I told him of course he could. So as we approached the officers, the sheriff said he had some questions for me as the female sheriff went over to try and talk to my son/keeping him company.
I can't remember if I started my nervous rambling, explaining that I didn't mean to pick up my kids early, but he had texted me, asking me too, I have the texts to prove it...or if it was just racing through my mind not sure why else the sheriff would be there. It was then he told me I wasn't in trouble, but rather he want to know what type of relationship I have with a women named ******. I told him honestly, not too much of one, then continuing that she was dating and now is married to the my ex's best friend who lives across the street from my old house. I continued saying that it was her best friend that she introduced to my ex while we were still married who he had cheated on me with. He then explained that he had received a call from her saying that she felt my life was in danger, due to comments my ex was making. He said he was racing out to stop me from going out to pick up my kids, but then discovered I had already got them. He suggested that my son and I go inside/stay at the station while he makes a few more calls to get details and goes to arrest him, or something to that nature. So inside the side door of the station we went. Walking past my daughter, still chatting in an office and appearing to be doing much better as she waved at us. As we entered the main tables/area and had a seat, I was taken back to three years ago when I was in a very similar situation, in the same seat, just without my kids.
The female sheriff began asking my son some question able school, his age, etc as the police officer began asking me some basic question for a report. Before long, my daughter joined us. The male officer, knowing from the past how scared they were of the station, suggested he gave the kids a tour, as he does for Girl and Boy Scout Troops. This was a hit and made the time go a little faster, as I was beginning to feel quite shaky and sick. Before long, the male sheriff returned and needed to speak to me alone, but the kids were comfortable enough at this point to check out the garage and tour the cars without me.
The male sheriff explained to me he spoke with the women who had called and her husband had been receiving some very disturbing texts from my ex and he told her to stay inside the house with her kids and not to go near my ex. Hearing this and knowing that my kids were still with their father, she called in scared for my own safety. After getting her report, he then called her husband and spoke to him at work. He explained to the officers that his drinking has intensified again and that he was getting into drugs and apparently received a text saying that if I were to show up with the police, that it was going to be World War Three out there. The sheriff explained, as upsetting and disturbing as this is, it is not a direct threat on your life and so I can't actually arrest him at this point. He continued on suggesting I go and get a new restraining order, as the police earlier in that had already suggested based on my texts, and continued on about safety precautions to take. Saying that sadly, smart people who break or try to break the law are a little more difficult to catch but don't give up.
So, having no other choice, we left the station and headed over to our friends home, both so our kids could play and I could update/vent to my good friend. He response this time was, "NOW can I call Lifetime Television Network and so they can begin filming the movie of your life!"
The next day, my parents watched my children so that I could go speak with my pastor as well as go to the court house and get a temporary restraining order/court date. Following this, I was able to return back to a somewhat normal life for the weekend, until Tuesday when I received a text from my ex, mentioning about dropping off the kids at my place Thursday morning. I began wondering if he had not yet been served the restraining order papers or if, as he often does, was just ignoring them. It turned out to be the ignoring them, as Thursday morning when I was waiting at the police station parking lot, where we use to exchange the kids as well as where the police told me to go back to exchanging them for now. As I was waiting, they were late, the female officer in town had stepped outside and came up to my vehicle, asking how I was holding up. I explained that I was a little nervous if he was served, to which she told me, oh yes and the neighbor is actually inside the station right now, quite upset as my ex has been filling her head with all sorts of disturbing things, scaring her now. She said she was wanting a copy of the police report from last week and that they were having her exit a back door so that he would not know she was there when he dropped off the kids.
Upon hearing this, when the kids were back and we received the door knobs my parents had mailed to our house, that the kids wanted to take over and deliver to Grandma and Grandpa's new place, I asked my parents if I could leave the kids there a few minutes so I could stop down to the station to get a copy of the report as well, as I had to go to court the next morning. It was as I was going into the station, that my former neighbor was again coming out. As she saw me, she asked me if we could please talk for a few minutes. I said of course and then it began. She explained how my ex said it was because of them that we were going to court and getting all upset, drilling them for details and wanting them to testify in the morning. I explained it was actually due to the texts he keeps sending but that her call did help too. She continued to say how frightened she is of him, how worried she is for my kids...explaining about how he is into cocaine and heroine now, not to mention how bad his drinking is getting...and the men that he is having the kids stay home with...the one guy has a criminal record for battery! That another just received his fifth DWI less than two weeks ago...and how she is so frightened as to what could happen to my daughter. Not to mention how often they are being left alone and how she is still lying and covering for her Dad...going into details about all of this and how he racistly puts down her own two boys. She said crying at one point, that she so wishes he would just move to another state, that he is terrified of what he might do. She continued asking if his family has a history of schizophrenia, as his behaviors seem so much worse than bi-polar. It was when she said that she is all for kids having time with both parents, being able to see their Dad, but in this case, it's just not safe anymore Lisa. Can't you call child services or can't the police do something to help them....that is what hit a nerve with me.
As she had already explained the report was not finished yet and that they were leaving town for the weekend, I went inside and asked if I could get the phone number for Child Protective Services. I own my way to pick up my kids from my parents, I called my good friend again, updating her on the latest scary news and she said come over here and call them right now. Which we did. She kept the kids all outside so my kids wouldn't know what I was doing, as I explained all I knew to a women on the phone. She explained that she would type up all of this information and pass it on to her boss and from there they would look into opening a case. It was all I could do at that point.
Friday morning came, and as my children sadly knew, from comments their Dad had told them, yes Mommy was heading to court. I was there early and was the first to check in, as I knew the process from the past. They schedule multiple hearing at the same time and go in order as they appear. Unfortunately, my ex didn't come until almost a half hour late, so I got to sit and listen to other cases from 8:30 until after 12. Finally it was our turn. We were sworn in and I took the stand. Handing over photographs I had taken from texts as well as giving her the phone to read a few more. Ask my judge tried, asking me further questions as to what type of threats I was receiving, it became clearer to me that I was not going to be receiving a restraining order that day. She explained that can't use information from the case last Thursday, as it's hearsay until the actual report is printed and as upsetting and inappropriate the texts are, that they are not severe until to issue a restraining order. She asked if I had tried family court, as it sounds like he is in contempt for his behavior and actions and suggested we go that route. The judge made her ruling, left the chambers and then me ex got my chuckling, laughing, whistling proudly as he left the court room. The sheriff/bailiff, had asked me to wait, annoyed obviously, as the judge was as his snide remarks while I was testifying as well. He said he could escort me down to the window on the second floor where I can get the paperwork to file contempt of court and begin that process, which I did before leaving the courthouse.
I knew, as I left, that he already had broken two of three of the rules, such as not paying part of my child support by the 25th of July and I had photographed a check to prove it. It states in our MSA that if he goes past that grace period, as we guessed before long he would, that I have the right to obtain a lawyer and have it written up as a direct deposit instead and that he would have to pay the lawyer fees. Apparently it's time to take that action, along with others.
On the way back to my parents, I stopped off at the police station, letting them know the order did not pass, and they were in shock, stating that he was indeed harassing me...I explained that I knew that, but apparently the judge wanted more, actual danger/threats on my life. As I told them the kids were going with their Dad this weekend and I was a bit concerned, as they were too, they said the police in that small town he lives in is not on call over this weekend, but to called the non-emergency sheriff's number, which I did, to have extra patrol out their this weekend. They also let me know that they did receive a call from Child Protective Services and spoke with them yesterday as well. Asking a few more questions about that, they explained that it can take 2-5 days to get a case going and didn't know when they'd be contacting him or me. I left, picked up my kids and spent the last couple hours a bit drained, with them until I had to drop them off at their Dad's.
As always, the garage door was open, showing his two vehicles were there, so the kids went in the house through the garage door and that was it. I drove off, thinking there must me more I can do. It was then that I recalled something else my former neighbor had shared with my yesterday. She said that two of my other neighbors has recently contacted the police scared for the kids safety as well. I knew one of the two, and knew where she worked it town, so I got up my courage to drive past and see if she was in. Sure enough she was outside having a cigarette break. She gave me a big hug, "OH LISA!!!!" as I approached, seemed so glad to see me. I explained I was very concerned about the things I had been learning about my ex's place. I told her how her name was brought up in having had called the police and she took the conversation from there. She said she said the police women from my town, spoke with her and she said that house is out of her jurisdiction, but to please report it to their part time police. Apparently the other women tried leaving a message with this man but he never called back. It was then that she went into detail, as she is a bit older and know everyone on the court, street and most of that small town...saying how everyone up there is so concerned about the kids. That she can't believe he really thinks that the rest of the neighbors don't know what is going on in there?! We see the guys that are coming and going, the behaviors that are going on, his frequent trip to and from the bar. A women down the street said to her the other day, I see you know have a drug house up by you now...referring to my old place. She continued saying how it's just not safe for the kids to be there and was saying how often they are left alone for hours and hours. How the one man he's leaving the kids, my son, home alone with has a criminal record, including battery and assault! How he can do that to those poor kids.
MY poor kids she was going on and on about. I didn't know what to say, but that sinking feeling my stomach was getting worse and worse by the minute. I asked her if she could PLEASE, PLEASE call the Child Services, as I couldn't give them any first hand accounts and it was pretty much hearsay coming from me, but if she and any, ALL of the neighbors could please call and get reports, it could help the kids so much. I explained to her as I had to the other women from my old neighborhood, it's not that I dont' want them to see their father, I do, but not like this and not when it's putting their life on the line. The other neighbor said, when I said he needs help, she said he needs a lot more then just help...inpatient treatment for quite a while!!!
Regardless. It's now Sunday night. I am continuing to pray that the neighborhood up their makes calls to Child Protective Services. That my kids make it home safely tomorrow. I am prepared to call the attorney my former Guardian at Litem suggested when I called her for advice...and schedule a meeting as soon as possible. I know it also said in our Marriage Settlement Agreement that my ex was to go to Anger Management Classes, AA and so on, none of which I can imagine he has done.
Sadly, this entry is not just a rosy one, although my new ones do bring me a glimpse of hope, or at least a remind that there is someone who cares. I will keep you posted my friends.
