Why do we watch Television shows like Grey's and Private Practice? They are two of the only I still keep up with, as at times I feel like the characters in them have been a part of my life for some time. Watching a mother die, say goodbye to her seven year old son, tonight that put me over the edge. The tears began and wouldn't stop. Then, when my loyal dog that knew just when I needed a tail wagging in my face, that smile to appear on my arm rest, as to say, "I'm here! Hug me, pet me, let my fluffy fur soak up your tears again." The flood began. It was just two days ago I woke up to find him no longer breathing, facing my bed on my bathroom floor.
About four and a half years ago, a couple months into the divorce process, I was at a local pet store in Madison, picking up something for my beagle and wandering aimlessly, trying to make time without my children go by. They had two dogs on site from a Humane Society, not too far away, one of which caught my eye. I spent some time talking with the women who had brought in the dogs...apparently both were surrendered together, a black lab mix and a yellow lab/retriever/husky. They explained the previous owner's girlfriend was moving in and would not if the dogs were there. I still remember the women chuckling as they told me, anyone who'd give up there dogs for a women isn't thinking straight. I knew I couldn't take them both, but could I even take one? It was so fluffy and cozy to hug and pet...the big fluffy curl of his husky tail was just so adorable not to mention that smile. But I couldn't just adopt a dog, all by myself I remember thinking. I remember calling two of my closest friends to talk it over with them, making sure I hadn't lost my mind entirely. Was I thinking clearly? Me, miss plan everything in my life, look where it had got me! I don't remember what all they said, but I do remember one of them saying, maybe that is just what you need Lisa! Something to love and take care of, something positive to focus on. I also remember one of them, who's house I was going to be going to that evening for a 'deer hunter's wives's night', said to bring him along!
Sure enough, as people joked that evening, Jake, became as he was coined that night, "the loyal man in Lisa's life". He was an amazing dog. House trained right away, got along with my beagle and cat and most importantly my two kids. He really was like a big teddy bear, but even better because unlike our beagle (my first dog I've ever had), this dog actual played catch...actually brought the ball back over and over again! It was Jake who I spent hours at night hugging and crying to when I just couldn't take the pain of what was happening to my life. It was Jake that got me through my first Thanksgiving alone and so many other painful days.
Today, when I was in the police station talking about the upcoming week, I mentioned losing Jake this week and her face turned so sad, "wasn't he the one that would go everywhere with you?" Yes, as another friend had already commented, "I remember how he'd sit in the passenger seat of your minivan, not taking his eyes off the door of the church just waiting excitedly for you to come out."
Sunday night and Monday morning, Jake had been throwing up, but with an almost 11 year old larger dog, who'd been losing weight, that had been happening on and off during the winter. He'd also started peeing in the house at times. It was Tuesday night when I was getting concerned, as he didn't want anything to eat, would hardly move or make eye contact...which he always had before, either with his chin prompt up on an armrest or from a good location on the carpet so he could still look right at me, watch over me. He knew when I needed a hug, or just a big tongue panting with a big smile on his face. He'd great me oh so excitedly when I came home and became a pillow for the kids to flop on when we were relaxing around the house. Each night, he'd sleep on the foot of my bed, between me and the door to make sure I was safe.
It was Wednesday morning that I woke up from some awful dreams and squinted from my bed to see if he was okay on my bathroom floor...as he appeared to be facing my bed. The past few night he hadn't made it up onto my bed, another sign that something was up. It as then I jumped out of bed and realized he wasn't looking over at me, he didn't perk up or move when I called to him. As I broke into tears calling his name, my son, just waking up appeared and began crying out too, "Mommy! What's wrong with Jake?! Is he..." then my daughter appeared scared in the doorway and in moments the three of us were mush. Crying and hugging...we came out into the family as I temporarily closed my bathroom door. I tried to be positive and point out that at least he's not sick anymore, that he's in heaven now and can play all the fetch he wants too. We talked, calmed down enough for them to get off to school on the bus and I followed a few minutes after to speak with another mom who was at the bus stop, one who I knew lost their dog this past fall.
I made it through one last ride with him to say goodbye. Then I had to pull myself together as in a couple hours from then I had my meeting with my lawyer.
We talked about Sunday morning, as the last I heard from my ex, he stated in a text he was coming to get the kids after he gets out of jail at 4 AM, yet this is not his weekend to have the kids according to our schedule. We discussed and then my lawyer filled out paperwork on three other items he's in contempt of court for and discussed how to handle thing between this Sunday when he gets out of jail and April 2 when we go to court. I questioned him, when he said "I just hope you are strong enough, that you aren't going to be too nice." I asked when or how? He said that I am so sweet and kind, but I have to do what John Wayne said in some famous movie he had quoted, that when the going gets tough, you have to dig deep down and fight with all you've got. Notice I didn't quote that, as I honestly don't remember what he said, but that was the just of it.
So from there, and a quick stop on my way back towards home, I stopped by the police station in town, as advised by my lawyer, to let them know when he was getting out of jail this weekend and what he had claimed in his text. The officer who was involved and had went to the court house back when I got my restraining order was in and we spoke a little bit. First, he couldn't believe that any jail would release someone at 4 AM, but regardless, to let them know inside so they can get the word out to the other officer's. From there, I, of course, apologized for my scratchy eyes and explained I had quite a rough morning. He had two dogs die in the past few years too and then told the story of their passing. He couldn't believe I had lifted up and taken in Jake myself, but I pointed out, at that point it was probably pure adrenalin.
This afternoon, I stopped in to see the other officer who had some people for me to contact/have my lawyer contact and as we were sitting inside the station at the table I sadly have been at a few times before, another officer I didn't know walked in and questioned, "Wait a second, it she the one with the crazy ex in (the town he lives in). Man, he is really messed up! I remember when officer ...." he continued on about an encounter he had apparently had a couple years ago with him.
It's so odd to hear people talking about you, your life and how pitiful it is. I had to call my sister about something quick while I was at a store on the way home from work today and she said a friend of hers I had meet a few years ago when I had visited asked how I was doing and she reluctantly said, not so good. He dog just died, her ex is getting out of jail soon and she's about to go back to court to battle for full placement. Yes, I guess she's right, it doesn't sound so good. Maybe that is why we watch the fictional television shows, to be reminded that other have challenges in their lives too. To either relate or be glad we aren't in their shoes.
I wanted to end on a positive note, as there was a moment tonight worth mentioning amongst everything else. After Cub Scouts tonight, my son got out from his backpack his "All Star Book" from school today. While he was the Star of the Week, his first grade classmates all wrote and illustrated a page and it's bound into a special keepsake for him. He excitedly turned to the page he filled out about himself, ".... is as nice as his mom." He explained that the picture above was the two of us and how he had wrote about me because he was really thinking of me that day...he continued on after a giant hug saying, "Mom, I don't know why, but you were just stuck in my mind all day!" Well, son, you and your sister are stuck in my heart everyday as the two of you are what keep my heart going. I truly do thank God everyday for blessing me with both of them.
Tomorrow will be the last day when my ex is away in jail. I am not looking forward to finding out what the week ahead will bring, but instead of worrying tonight and tomorrow, I plan to enjoy every smile, giggle from the hammock we got back out for the year after school today, every moment. As the sign in my stairway says, "Enjoy the Present"....tomorrow I will.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Sunday, March 11, 2012
I have one more week...
Live by faith, not by sight. Just looking at the inscription inside my ring as I ponder how exactly to begin this entry. It has been a good weekend. Spring has returned early to our town and the kids and I were able to get outside and enjoy it. Seeing the robins returning, amongst other birds, as my son and I took a bike ride today across town. It is always inspiring to see the signs of new life, new green sprouts appearing from the grown, hope that new beautiful things are on their way. Yet it's not yet Spring in the Mid-west and along with this reality is the reality that snow, ice, challenges are not out of the question...and the weather and our lives can change literally day by day right now.
A week ago, I had unplugged my home phone and was rarely answering my cell, as the number of calls from the jail continued to accumulate. My children, still, have not asked to speak to their Dad or asked about seeing him since I last blogged. The lawyer, last we spoke, informed me that I was legally advised not to answer any calls from my ex-husband, not to speak to him at all and that there was no reason for the children to either. It has wonderful not having to worry about my children not eating, not knowing where they were or who they were around or what they were seeing. My son has made it to his basketball and scout events...my daughter was able to attend a birthday party in addition to a scouting event. It was been a blessing.
On the other side of things, not only had the calls increased, I received an email from my ex mother-in-law mid-week begging me to please allow her son to speak to his children, as they are his "inspiration". Maybe it was what he wants, but is it the best thing for the kids right now? Then, the following day I received first an email followed later by nasty text messages from my ex husband from jail. Not sure how that happened, but I am very glad they haven't since. At the same time, after the texts arrived, I finally blocked my cell phone as well from receiving any calls from the jail.
I was becoming increasingly concerned as the week went on, not only about the messages, but more importantly the lack of any message from my lawyer, as it was my understanding by last Monday he was to have papers served to my ex husband in jail. I know a week from today is when he is released, which I am not looking forward to, and was becoming more concerned that we wouldn't have a hearing or news before he was released.
It was as I stopped home quick before attending my daughter's music program Friday afternoon that the letter arrived in the mail. The day after the letter from Children's Protective Services has come (which I'll get back too). My letter began,
By the time you get this letter your husband will have been served with our Notice of Motion and Motion to Terminate Placement. We drew Commissioner....
One of the problems we had was that most of the police reports you obtained from the Dane County Sheriff's Office involved older offenses or contacts. There weren't a lot of new contacts.
I spent some time with the Family Court Commissioner but could not convince them to issue an Ex Parte Order which would have terminated any placement immediately until such time as a hearing could be held.
The other problem we have is that I couldn't get a hearing until ...
He concluded the letter explaining that I should contact the law office tomorrow (Monday) morning to come in this week and plan how to deal with the two weeks that my ex is out of jail yet we have not went to court. Two weeks that begin next Sunday morning.
As if that wasn't enough, I was already planning to stop in or call his office due to the text messages I received from my ex. In addition to telling him I have a neighbor now that will talk to him, one who was there and saw him that night he was taken in to detox and blew a .4 the week before he went to jail. I have also now read the report, which I have to give him, from the Child Protective Services office and was disappointed to read reports from the police, speaking of concerns, the children directly telling her that they were indeed left alone and not feed meals, yet nothing had happened.
The texts from my ex you are wondering about? At 4:45 on Thursday first came, "Please answer ht phone and let me talk to the kids. I expect to get them Sunday morning the 18th when I get out at 4am. Sad u are doing this to them." Next, "I have all the call details records and all the times u rejected or blocked me by pressing 5 or 8 so I know when u pick up. Notice u didn't get child support yet?" Next, "I can take this up with Pam and open a case with DCF, she said this is child alienation since you are aware of my calls and ignore them. What do u tell the kids? u like to them! They want to talk to me and u hate that so u ignore my calls and lie to them. Nice mom of the year. THas worse than me in jail! I hope u can see the evil in your jealous actions. I also need to talk to you since u are gonna miss ome child support payments. 5 weeks maybe as I'm not getting paid either. But u must not care to get it since u won't answer the phone. Good thing for mommy-wammie and daddy-waddy again, right princess?"
Yup. Not so pleasant. I was blessed to have received them while I was working at church, Thursday. As I told my friend, first off, next weekend was and is my weekend with the kids. Secondly, I was told by my lawyer not to answer any of his calls. Third, the kids haven't even asked about him. Fourth, my parents haven't gave me a penny (scratch that, they loaned me the retainer for the lawyer which they already asked for and received back as soon as my tax return arrived).
The worst part, he hasn't changed a bit. Those optimistic folks I know, saying that maybe this time away will be a low point for him now, that he'd hit rock bottom and that things would get better. As I didn't have much faith in that happening, I am now convinced that it didn't.
SO, now what. I call my lawyer tomorrow. I drop off the recent copies of the texts I have received, the name and phone number of the neighbor and the report from Child Protective Services and I pray. It was true that I did not receive my child support this past week, yet at the same time realize that he still owes me the money and if he doesn't pay me the child support, that is an issue between him and the state as it's against the law not to pay it. If doesn't have it, then once he obtains it he is to pay back pay that was missed. I am just concerned as to how long it will be until I am paid and if he still indeed does and will have a job after he returns from jail. Secondly, I am concerned whether or not he is really going to enter a drug/alcohol rehab center/program that he disparately needs. When he sent those, lets call them nasty texts, he had not yet been served the papers that I am taking him to court to have full placement of the children. I am also concerned how he is going to react, what he is going to do when he gets out of jail. I am already planning to warn the local police about my concerns after I speak first with my lawyer.
On a positive note I have one more week. Looking at that same half full glass, I have one more week.
Going back to my ring, I want to have faith, that God is looking out for my children and myself. Apparently my parents or at least mother has already lost any faith she had. As she email back after I received the letter, with a message asking if I had warned the new lawyer how sneaky my ex is. Then today, when I was mentioning a couple summer activities I had signed up my children for through the recreation department this summer, she questioned if they were on days my ex was suppose to take them too (as he hasn't in past years)...to which I pointed out we don't know if he'll have them during the summer overnights to worry about that yet. The look on her face, her comment that I brushed off after that...I cut her off as I know she's already convinced once again the courts will let us down.
Faith. Live by faith not by sight. I have lived by faith through so many life events over the past few years, I have no choice but to put yet another huge challenge in God's hands. As I tell my children in the preschool music class each week as close with our goodbye song, "Go well and go safely, may God be ever with you and you and you...(pointing to each child)" Then I remind them that all you have to do is ask God and he will be with you, take care of you, all you have to do it ask.
A week ago, I had unplugged my home phone and was rarely answering my cell, as the number of calls from the jail continued to accumulate. My children, still, have not asked to speak to their Dad or asked about seeing him since I last blogged. The lawyer, last we spoke, informed me that I was legally advised not to answer any calls from my ex-husband, not to speak to him at all and that there was no reason for the children to either. It has wonderful not having to worry about my children not eating, not knowing where they were or who they were around or what they were seeing. My son has made it to his basketball and scout events...my daughter was able to attend a birthday party in addition to a scouting event. It was been a blessing.
On the other side of things, not only had the calls increased, I received an email from my ex mother-in-law mid-week begging me to please allow her son to speak to his children, as they are his "inspiration". Maybe it was what he wants, but is it the best thing for the kids right now? Then, the following day I received first an email followed later by nasty text messages from my ex husband from jail. Not sure how that happened, but I am very glad they haven't since. At the same time, after the texts arrived, I finally blocked my cell phone as well from receiving any calls from the jail.
I was becoming increasingly concerned as the week went on, not only about the messages, but more importantly the lack of any message from my lawyer, as it was my understanding by last Monday he was to have papers served to my ex husband in jail. I know a week from today is when he is released, which I am not looking forward to, and was becoming more concerned that we wouldn't have a hearing or news before he was released.
It was as I stopped home quick before attending my daughter's music program Friday afternoon that the letter arrived in the mail. The day after the letter from Children's Protective Services has come (which I'll get back too). My letter began,
By the time you get this letter your husband will have been served with our Notice of Motion and Motion to Terminate Placement. We drew Commissioner....
One of the problems we had was that most of the police reports you obtained from the Dane County Sheriff's Office involved older offenses or contacts. There weren't a lot of new contacts.
I spent some time with the Family Court Commissioner but could not convince them to issue an Ex Parte Order which would have terminated any placement immediately until such time as a hearing could be held.
The other problem we have is that I couldn't get a hearing until ...
He concluded the letter explaining that I should contact the law office tomorrow (Monday) morning to come in this week and plan how to deal with the two weeks that my ex is out of jail yet we have not went to court. Two weeks that begin next Sunday morning.
As if that wasn't enough, I was already planning to stop in or call his office due to the text messages I received from my ex. In addition to telling him I have a neighbor now that will talk to him, one who was there and saw him that night he was taken in to detox and blew a .4 the week before he went to jail. I have also now read the report, which I have to give him, from the Child Protective Services office and was disappointed to read reports from the police, speaking of concerns, the children directly telling her that they were indeed left alone and not feed meals, yet nothing had happened.
The texts from my ex you are wondering about? At 4:45 on Thursday first came, "Please answer ht phone and let me talk to the kids. I expect to get them Sunday morning the 18th when I get out at 4am. Sad u are doing this to them." Next, "I have all the call details records and all the times u rejected or blocked me by pressing 5 or 8 so I know when u pick up. Notice u didn't get child support yet?" Next, "I can take this up with Pam and open a case with DCF, she said this is child alienation since you are aware of my calls and ignore them. What do u tell the kids? u like to them! They want to talk to me and u hate that so u ignore my calls and lie to them. Nice mom of the year. THas worse than me in jail! I hope u can see the evil in your jealous actions. I also need to talk to you since u are gonna miss ome child support payments. 5 weeks maybe as I'm not getting paid either. But u must not care to get it since u won't answer the phone. Good thing for mommy-wammie and daddy-waddy again, right princess?"
Yup. Not so pleasant. I was blessed to have received them while I was working at church, Thursday. As I told my friend, first off, next weekend was and is my weekend with the kids. Secondly, I was told by my lawyer not to answer any of his calls. Third, the kids haven't even asked about him. Fourth, my parents haven't gave me a penny (scratch that, they loaned me the retainer for the lawyer which they already asked for and received back as soon as my tax return arrived).
The worst part, he hasn't changed a bit. Those optimistic folks I know, saying that maybe this time away will be a low point for him now, that he'd hit rock bottom and that things would get better. As I didn't have much faith in that happening, I am now convinced that it didn't.
SO, now what. I call my lawyer tomorrow. I drop off the recent copies of the texts I have received, the name and phone number of the neighbor and the report from Child Protective Services and I pray. It was true that I did not receive my child support this past week, yet at the same time realize that he still owes me the money and if he doesn't pay me the child support, that is an issue between him and the state as it's against the law not to pay it. If doesn't have it, then once he obtains it he is to pay back pay that was missed. I am just concerned as to how long it will be until I am paid and if he still indeed does and will have a job after he returns from jail. Secondly, I am concerned whether or not he is really going to enter a drug/alcohol rehab center/program that he disparately needs. When he sent those, lets call them nasty texts, he had not yet been served the papers that I am taking him to court to have full placement of the children. I am also concerned how he is going to react, what he is going to do when he gets out of jail. I am already planning to warn the local police about my concerns after I speak first with my lawyer.
On a positive note I have one more week. Looking at that same half full glass, I have one more week.
Going back to my ring, I want to have faith, that God is looking out for my children and myself. Apparently my parents or at least mother has already lost any faith she had. As she email back after I received the letter, with a message asking if I had warned the new lawyer how sneaky my ex is. Then today, when I was mentioning a couple summer activities I had signed up my children for through the recreation department this summer, she questioned if they were on days my ex was suppose to take them too (as he hasn't in past years)...to which I pointed out we don't know if he'll have them during the summer overnights to worry about that yet. The look on her face, her comment that I brushed off after that...I cut her off as I know she's already convinced once again the courts will let us down.
Faith. Live by faith not by sight. I have lived by faith through so many life events over the past few years, I have no choice but to put yet another huge challenge in God's hands. As I tell my children in the preschool music class each week as close with our goodbye song, "Go well and go safely, may God be ever with you and you and you...(pointing to each child)" Then I remind them that all you have to do is ask God and he will be with you, take care of you, all you have to do it ask.
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