New Perspective

Sunday morning, a new day, a new perspective or at least I hope. I came to the realization last night, like it or not, that things are not going to work out with Jon. There is nothing further I can do, it is what it is. So here I sit, trying to regain perspective on my life. I talked with a good friend last night, a couple of them actually and it was agreed, I should stop. Stop trying, stop pushing, stop stressing, stop worrying, stop searching, just stop. For the next two months, or maybe even all summer, just focus on me again, enjoying my life on my own.



Last night, she said, "You were in such a better place when you told yourself you weren't ready to or going to date. Once your divorce was finalized, you've been on a constant mission to find 'the one' and putting so much pressure on yourself. She is right. I am determined, driven, convinced I can do something when I put my mind to it, but when it comes to relationships, finding my soul mate, I sadly have to admit, it's out of my control.



"It works out when you don't try. Trust me :)" a friend responded to my facebook post last night. She is right and knows their from personal experience, as she was in a similar boat a few years ago, now happily married, for the second time, to a most wonderful man.



I told my friend over drinks last night, "but the fourth of July is coming" it is my first one without kids and a chance to have a romantic evening watching the fireworks with the guy I am suppose to be with. I was suppose to have found him by now I continued on. She pointed out how I keep setting myself up to be hurt, to be let down when I make goals that I can't keep. As I point out, I do it subconsciously, but I suppose she's right.



During those almost two years it took for my divorce, I told myself and everyone else, I was not ready or going to date and instead focus on my kids and myself. I needed to find myself again as I had been so lost through all that had happened. I took off any and all pressure and until I step back and analyze it with a friend, I hadn't realized all the pressure I had placed on myself today.



By telling my friends and co workers each time I meet someone, actually was more hurtful than helpful. They are so kind and encouraging, hopeful and optimistic that I felt as though I was letting them down, failing not only my goals but their dreams for me as well. I ended feeling even worse re-explaining things to others each time a relationship has not worked out. I know they are all concerned and want me to find "the one" as much as I do, but I think including others in the beginning, just ads more unnecessary pain.



So how do I go back, or refocus, re shift my attention on me, not on finding a guy. Probably easy for many, but I don't like to focus on myself. When my kids are around, no problem, not worried. It's that every-other-weekend when I'm "kidless" that I dread. I view these weekends negatively, as "alone" weekends, when I'm unwanted and have no one to share life with. I decided I need to fill these weekends with fun plans so I no longer dread them.



Six weekends, excluding the current one, I am alone this summer. My mission is to find exciting things to fill this summer with to remember it is a wonderful gift, a treasure, rather than the sad lonely upcoming time I have been given. The extreme planner that I am, actually I read this is a trait of Virgos, imagine that! is ready to take on the planning and to keep myself focused on enjoying each weekend and not focusing on having a guy to share it with...



So I have created this blog. To give myself a goal, to give myself a new perspective and make myself accountable. No more match.com, no more searching and dreaming, or dreading that I will end up alone and sad. It is time to enjoy the summer ahead of me regardless of my single status. I am off to plan my first weekends/events and will post what I come up with, as my plans will, of course, include the amazing girlfriends in my life!!!



Oh, one side note...last night, my friend did point out, while I am refocusing on me, taking a so called "diet from dating" over the next few months, if something/someone appears on their own, I am allowed to snack...LOL...meaning, if a date pops up I can take it, but no hunting one down anymore...the focus is on Lisa and enjoying her single life!



Sunday, June 6, 2010