My Research Begins

"If you aspire to a healthy, conscious partnership or marriage, mastering the art of aloneness and becoming the partner you seek are important prerequisites."

Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life
by Lauren Mackler, pg 213

Here I go again, a new coffee shop today and a pile of books on my table. Anyone who knows me, knows I have to research and learn about anything I attempt to do. So, why not study about being single/alone. Apparently, from the trip to Barnes and Noble last night, I am far from the only one needing help in this world. I sat myself down on the not so soft carpet and just stared...so many titles, so many people out there with suggestions and advice for me. The first book I pulled off the shelf was entitled Solemate, but Lauen Mackler. I read years ago, Thomas Moore's, Soulmate, but I quickly found this book to be quite different. I sat there going through pages and pages and then stopped, pulled out my journal and stared recording quote after quote...fine, I'll buy the stupid book!

'By reclaiming your wholeness, reintegrating the parts of you that were lost during your life conditioning and becoming aware of the habitual patterns that drive your relationship, you'll be in a better place to enter into a healthy, conscious relationship with another person." page 210. That sounds about right, I guess the next step for me is reclaiming my wholeness. Wait, I was going to enjoy single file, not fix myself. I guess I'm tackling that too, which makes sense, I need help and if this will do it, okay let's take it on. Yes,I will need this book and on my search continued.

Next I found Single: The art of being satisfied, fulfilled, and independent by Judy Ford and began to read the back cover...

"Single is...not a condition to be cured...it's just as natural as being part of a couple. It's wisdom is contagious...Singe is about upholding the most enduring relationship of all, the one we have with ourselves."

Yes, well seeing as though a good friend keeps pointing out to me I should love myself, being by myself and just be happy enjoying life on my own, I shouldn't need anyone else to make me happy. I know at some level, all of this, but this book might have some good advice/suggestions as to how to help me work on that.

Finally, I found and purchased a book/journal entitled, Skinny Bitchin' A "Get Off Your Ass" Journal to Help You Change Your Life, Achieve Your Goals, and Rock Your World! by Roy Freeman and Kim Barnouin. I laughed out loud when I read "Quit crying in a corner 'cause your boyfriend dumped you, you know he was a lame-ass anyway. Bask in the glory of being single for awhile" as I continued it stated clearly to me, "Whatever you've been dying to do or try but have been too scared-today is the day! Carpe diem bitches! This ain't no dress rehearsal!"

Yup, I guess I could use their straight talk too. Originally, I headed to the magazine section to find all the local magazines to find what fun events I should plan to attend this summer, so I could start booking up my "free weekends". But after my search, I decided, maybe it would be best to not plan every moment nervously and see where I end up on my own.

On my drive home, I was processing all the information I had just read, thinking what have I been scared to do that I could do right now and then I did it. I entered a local bar on my own, for the first time ever in my life. I walked in alone, sat at the counter and ordered a beer and a bar burger, which is what I've been really craving for awhile now, but always to anxious to go on my own. It was great and surprisingly I survived and realized how shy, yet friendly the bartender was. Check, one off my list, how many to go?