This afternoon, I sat on a lawn chair, trying to both read my new book, wave at and watch my kids swim and keep from being distracted by the load speaker blaring music at the local pool. Yes, it did feel like the first official day of summer vacation at our house today. The kids stayed in their PJs until afternoon, when we decided the storms forcasted were holding off and went to the local pool FINALLY as my kids seemed to feel.
Sitting there, watching how independent and proud of how kindly social and respectful they were being, I attempted to read...it didn't work at first. I picked up my cell phone thinking, who should I be texting, why aren't there any dad's here without rings on their fingers, why were they playing these old annoying songs on these old bad music speakers? I sat and thought about how I felt different than sitting here last summer. Last summer, I was so uncomfortable not being there with a spouse, like I had it stamped on my forehead, single, divorced, not 18 and tiny...but I went last year, many times as my kids had a blast and loved this pool, I needed to grow up and get over it.
Then I began reading. It was okay, I could relate, but couldn't really focus...went in the pool for a bit as my son begged me to join him, his sister had found someone else to hang out with for a little while...then I was back and it came on the speaker...
"Yes I guess it would be nice, if I could..." Faith, song of my summer 1988, song that my first boyfriend called 'Our Song'...the first son on the cassette tape he had made it and I listened to thousands of times and later cried to after our 6 months ended and I was devastated..."I gotta have faith...'for this river, there comes an ocean, before I throw my heart back on the floor, ohhh I reconsider, my foolish notion, I want someone to hold me, yet I wait for something more...PAUSE IN SOUND...cause I gotta have faith, I gotta have faith, I gotta have faith a faith a faith I gotta have FAITH"
It was like the song was singing TO me this time, not bringing back a sad memory. But not until tonight though, after the exhausted kids were fast asleep and I had read on 50 or so more pages...I got to the part of the book where I was reading and then writing down quotes when it hit me. Wow, was this a combination..an author that was DEFENDING Cinderella, defending the fairytales out there. I was crushed when my fairytale of a life ended, was convinced I had to grow up and no longer believe in fairytales. WAIT, is it possible you can look at the fairytale in a different light? Be okay with it, still have hope, still believe, still have FAITH...(imagine acoustic guitar here and friend who know me, I'm of course strumming it)....
The theory of the author? Judy Ford, in her book entitled "Single", is that Cinderella was true to herself, her feelings, to life the entire time. She stayed positive, made the best of the life she was given, however awful it got, she didn't let her wicked stepsisters get the best of her, she didn't give up, she even sought help from her close friends (who just happened to be animals) when she was grieving the loss of her dream to attend the ball...and what happened? A miracle as the book addresses it, or magic...or as I was reading, perhaps it wasn't her fairy godmother, maybe it was suppose to be GOD stepping in, showing her what was possible. THEN the author takes a different perspective on the prince as well....does he settle for any of the other beautiful women out there, no, he knows there is only one true love for him and he knows she is different, has special qualities to her and waits until time allows for them to meet again (via the slipper of course)...and finally, only after they have both had to have hardship (well, after Cinderella has) she does live happily, true to herself all along, every after. She didn't find happiness right away, she had to work, to feel pain, sadness, aloneness and be okay and continue on. As is also pointed out, she doesn't scheme or plan as her wicked step-sisters do...look where it got them. She lets life take it's course.
Perhaps in a twisted way, there is a Christian message in this old fairytale as well...God is there, may not appear through a fairy godmother giving us a magical carriage, but is there, when the time is right and when we have kept our faith, to provide those wonderful things in our lives. Cinderella didn't give up, didn't ignore her feelings or try and escape her life. She accepted it, persevered and stayed optimistic...never thought I'd view Cinderella in a positive light again...I guess that's why you are never suppose to say never...
Hmmm...amazing the things you discover when you are willing to look...
L.
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