The first week, if I make it until then. ;)

Meeting people is just one concern. Once you've met someone, then what? What do you build? Nothing, a simple friendship, or more? How do you set smart limits on physical involvement? Financial involvement? Individual responsibilities? -Boundaries in Dating, Henry Cloud

Good questions.  You meet someone.  Now how much do you invest?  How much time and/or energy do you allow yourself to spend thinking about the possibilities?  How do you just go with it?

It begins.  You start get a couple emails/texts and you begin IMing.  It's all safe, fun and exciting, nothing to worry about, no expectations, just excited to have someone interested in chatting with you.  The next step...the phone.  This is your next baby step in getting to know each other.  As other friends of mine know, that can actually make a difference.  It's amazing what you can tell from another person's voice.  Not just what they are saying but how they are saying it, how deep or high, if you find it annoying or enjoyable to listen too.  It sounds silly, but yes this does matter.  Then as you are talking, you may find yourself worrying about what you are saying, or more than likely, after you hang up.  When you email or text someone, you can hopefully have time to think before you type, although I have been as guilty as anyone of typing as thoughts were coming to me instead of processing them first.  Yes, I did it even today.  I suppose I am human.

Eventually that first conversation has to end.  Tired, exhausted, if you stayed up too late chatting like I had, you enter into a new day.  What just happened?  You find yourself questioning.  In twenty four hours I went from not having a male interested in me, today I have a possible date coming up.  Am I ready for this?  Will I miss this up, or rather how will I this time?  In and out of your day these thoughts seem to pop up.  What is he thinking about me, about all of this...these float through your mind too.  I haven't even seen him in person yet, we haven't really met yet, why should I be thinking about it so much...

It's the possibility of something that is both exciting and if you allow it, makes you a bit vulnerable or anxious.  Looking back over that next day of texts, exchanging Facebook addresses, etc, he says, "No regrets and don't worry..."  If only he knew me I thought. 
It's been three more days of talking, texting and IMing.  He is getting a glimpse of me and I have him.  He is extremely open and honest.  Which is good, but he's also discovering I'm anxious and worrisome, not all the time, as he's pointed out...I go in spurts.  I commented, maybe we'll balance out then.  But inside, I wonder how long he'll put up with me.  "Why do you worry about such things?" he asked me earlier.  That is a good question.  Why do I?  I told him I think it happens sub-consciously to some effect.  "It's all good, just relax about things that's all..." he said later.  I completely agree.  I need to relax about things.  I don't want to scare him away when we are still in the first week of getting to know each other.  Why do I do that?  Again, I am not wanting too, not trying too..."Try not to overwhelm me and don't worry so much about things."

That sums me up, entering a new relationship, or a potential one, or whatever you would call it at this point.

My attitude was/is that I am not going to put any pressure on anything.  That if it turns into something, great and if not, just enjoy it while it last.  I even entered the second or third day was it, wondering why I even am considering entering into anything with anyone again.  Why would I be setting myself up to be hurt?  But that is just it, I'm not "setting myself up" if I don't force myself to plan out the rest of our lives.  I don't have to and really shouldn't even be worrying if we would make a good couple, how we would turn out six, months a year or so down the road...why not cross that bridge if we get to it and just make it through the first week.

A couple times while we were chatting and he was talking about what I felt like, was stereotypical men and women behavior, I pointed out or reminded him that we are wired differently and we both agreed that is just a part of the equation.  It's true that you really have to find the right balance when you are starting off in a relationship and there is really no formula for that.  There is no right answer as to when you should text or how often.  When you should email or instant message, or when you should be doing other things, giving each other space.  How much is too much and how little is not enough.  Add into this that you are excited and want to talk to and learn more about that other person, yet don't want to come across as over-zealous.  Who me?! ;)  Okay, yes sister, if you are reading that would be a description of me to a tee. 

I have found, as excited as I am to learn more about a new person in my life, part of me is more nervous about what will come of it, not worried this time whether or not we'll end up together as husband and wife, honestly I can't see that far ahead in my life with anyone at this point.  I am just trying to make sure I am looking at the relationship or potential one from every angle.  I guess, trying to figure out how I messed up in the past and make sure I don't do it this time.  But when I find myself doing thing, I try and snap myself out of it, as in the past, it truly was timing or truly was not meant to work out.  You can't know that going into something new.  You just have to enjoy the time you can text, email, message, talk or see each other and live in the present.  Taking one day at a time. If you can both stand each other the next day, well, then that's probably a good sign.

I don't know what tomorrow, Wednesday night or next weekend will bring, but I have to continue to remind myself, I was doing pretty darn well before he appeared in my life and will continue to do so whether he calls, texts, or whether we spend time together or not.  It would be a bonus if I could find someone new, him or otherwise to enjoy life with, but if not, I will be okay too.