Live by faith, not by sight. Just looking at the inscription inside my ring as I ponder how exactly to begin this entry. It has been a good weekend. Spring has returned early to our town and the kids and I were able to get outside and enjoy it. Seeing the robins returning, amongst other birds, as my son and I took a bike ride today across town. It is always inspiring to see the signs of new life, new green sprouts appearing from the grown, hope that new beautiful things are on their way. Yet it's not yet Spring in the Mid-west and along with this reality is the reality that snow, ice, challenges are not out of the question...and the weather and our lives can change literally day by day right now.
A week ago, I had unplugged my home phone and was rarely answering my cell, as the number of calls from the jail continued to accumulate. My children, still, have not asked to speak to their Dad or asked about seeing him since I last blogged. The lawyer, last we spoke, informed me that I was legally advised not to answer any calls from my ex-husband, not to speak to him at all and that there was no reason for the children to either. It has wonderful not having to worry about my children not eating, not knowing where they were or who they were around or what they were seeing. My son has made it to his basketball and scout events...my daughter was able to attend a birthday party in addition to a scouting event. It was been a blessing.
On the other side of things, not only had the calls increased, I received an email from my ex mother-in-law mid-week begging me to please allow her son to speak to his children, as they are his "inspiration". Maybe it was what he wants, but is it the best thing for the kids right now? Then, the following day I received first an email followed later by nasty text messages from my ex husband from jail. Not sure how that happened, but I am very glad they haven't since. At the same time, after the texts arrived, I finally blocked my cell phone as well from receiving any calls from the jail.
I was becoming increasingly concerned as the week went on, not only about the messages, but more importantly the lack of any message from my lawyer, as it was my understanding by last Monday he was to have papers served to my ex husband in jail. I know a week from today is when he is released, which I am not looking forward to, and was becoming more concerned that we wouldn't have a hearing or news before he was released.
It was as I stopped home quick before attending my daughter's music program Friday afternoon that the letter arrived in the mail. The day after the letter from Children's Protective Services has come (which I'll get back too). My letter began,
By the time you get this letter your husband will have been served with our Notice of Motion and Motion to Terminate Placement. We drew Commissioner....
One of the problems we had was that most of the police reports you obtained from the Dane County Sheriff's Office involved older offenses or contacts. There weren't a lot of new contacts.
I spent some time with the Family Court Commissioner but could not convince them to issue an Ex Parte Order which would have terminated any placement immediately until such time as a hearing could be held.
The other problem we have is that I couldn't get a hearing until ...
He concluded the letter explaining that I should contact the law office tomorrow (Monday) morning to come in this week and plan how to deal with the two weeks that my ex is out of jail yet we have not went to court. Two weeks that begin next Sunday morning.
As if that wasn't enough, I was already planning to stop in or call his office due to the text messages I received from my ex. In addition to telling him I have a neighbor now that will talk to him, one who was there and saw him that night he was taken in to detox and blew a .4 the week before he went to jail. I have also now read the report, which I have to give him, from the Child Protective Services office and was disappointed to read reports from the police, speaking of concerns, the children directly telling her that they were indeed left alone and not feed meals, yet nothing had happened.
The texts from my ex you are wondering about? At 4:45 on Thursday first came, "Please answer ht phone and let me talk to the kids. I expect to get them Sunday morning the 18th when I get out at 4am. Sad u are doing this to them." Next, "I have all the call details records and all the times u rejected or blocked me by pressing 5 or 8 so I know when u pick up. Notice u didn't get child support yet?" Next, "I can take this up with Pam and open a case with DCF, she said this is child alienation since you are aware of my calls and ignore them. What do u tell the kids? u like to them! They want to talk to me and u hate that so u ignore my calls and lie to them. Nice mom of the year. THas worse than me in jail! I hope u can see the evil in your jealous actions. I also need to talk to you since u are gonna miss ome child support payments. 5 weeks maybe as I'm not getting paid either. But u must not care to get it since u won't answer the phone. Good thing for mommy-wammie and daddy-waddy again, right princess?"
Yup. Not so pleasant. I was blessed to have received them while I was working at church, Thursday. As I told my friend, first off, next weekend was and is my weekend with the kids. Secondly, I was told by my lawyer not to answer any of his calls. Third, the kids haven't even asked about him. Fourth, my parents haven't gave me a penny (scratch that, they loaned me the retainer for the lawyer which they already asked for and received back as soon as my tax return arrived).
The worst part, he hasn't changed a bit. Those optimistic folks I know, saying that maybe this time away will be a low point for him now, that he'd hit rock bottom and that things would get better. As I didn't have much faith in that happening, I am now convinced that it didn't.
SO, now what. I call my lawyer tomorrow. I drop off the recent copies of the texts I have received, the name and phone number of the neighbor and the report from Child Protective Services and I pray. It was true that I did not receive my child support this past week, yet at the same time realize that he still owes me the money and if he doesn't pay me the child support, that is an issue between him and the state as it's against the law not to pay it. If doesn't have it, then once he obtains it he is to pay back pay that was missed. I am just concerned as to how long it will be until I am paid and if he still indeed does and will have a job after he returns from jail. Secondly, I am concerned whether or not he is really going to enter a drug/alcohol rehab center/program that he disparately needs. When he sent those, lets call them nasty texts, he had not yet been served the papers that I am taking him to court to have full placement of the children. I am also concerned how he is going to react, what he is going to do when he gets out of jail. I am already planning to warn the local police about my concerns after I speak first with my lawyer.
On a positive note I have one more week. Looking at that same half full glass, I have one more week.
Going back to my ring, I want to have faith, that God is looking out for my children and myself. Apparently my parents or at least mother has already lost any faith she had. As she email back after I received the letter, with a message asking if I had warned the new lawyer how sneaky my ex is. Then today, when I was mentioning a couple summer activities I had signed up my children for through the recreation department this summer, she questioned if they were on days my ex was suppose to take them too (as he hasn't in past years)...to which I pointed out we don't know if he'll have them during the summer overnights to worry about that yet. The look on her face, her comment that I brushed off after that...I cut her off as I know she's already convinced once again the courts will let us down.
Faith. Live by faith not by sight. I have lived by faith through so many life events over the past few years, I have no choice but to put yet another huge challenge in God's hands. As I tell my children in the preschool music class each week as close with our goodbye song, "Go well and go safely, may God be ever with you and you and you...(pointing to each child)" Then I remind them that all you have to do is ask God and he will be with you, take care of you, all you have to do it ask.
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